do YOU think my tractor's sexy??

Today I recieved another lesson in the fine art of driving a tractor. Again I am thankful that my car is a manual ("yea for chicks who drive sticks!" - jules prz) as that eliminated at least one thing for me to get accustomed to. But seriously, girls on tractors - sexy/not sexy? Please post comment with your thoughts (if you don't know the song, laugh anyways) I am curious what the consensus is. I wish I could post a picture right now, but my camera is broken. Besides I'll wait until I'm tan again, and blonde again, and a little more buff. Then I'll get my best cut off t-shirt and some Carharts and I'll give you all a proper look at my new life in the barn-cleaning business.

Thoughts for the day:

Observation: It has been snowing all day but none of it is sticking to the ground - it's like 50% white out and there's nothing to show for it.
Immediate plans: A nap.

Future plans: Still undecided.
Time wasted today with: myspace.com - it sucks you in these friend network things.
Current wishes: high-speed internet, a phone call
TO-do List: put away my laundry, go to the bank, take a shower
Things I'm looking forward to: April 19th, chocolate chip cookies tonight, my nap
Current smell: on me- Barn, in the air- fresh brownies
Today I Miss: Australia, my little sister
Question to ponder: Does anyone read this blog????

from a fellow blogger.....too great not to share

I read this last week and decided I just had to post it where others might see. It's just funny. Enjoy! The link to the authors blog is at the bottom.

Today I would just like to give a big hello to a dear
friend of mine: John Mayer.

I would just like to notify you, Mr. Mayer, that you have
screwed us all - any musician at least.

I used to think that maybe my stupendous
ability to play the guitar would help me weasel into the heart of some beautiful maiden someday. I had heard that men who played the guitar got
the girls. Now, however, this has all changed. It has recently been brought to
my attention that, these days, not only do we men have to learn to play the
guitar ("look at me, look at all the cool jazz chords I can play"), now we have
to be able to sing with these dumb things. Also, if we happen to be playing
guitar in the presence of a women, we are promptly asked to play (and sing) one
of your stupid songs, and should we refuse this request, we are regarded as
being utterly talentless, or even worse, we are completely ignored.

Therefore, out of sheer spite, I have written a song, and it shall be
called "Love Song for No One." Mind you, this is not in your honor, nor does it
give evidence for your influence on my musical style or tastes. It is simply
that I have decided to completely ignore your existence, and thus, deny the fact
that anyone has ever written a song with the aforementioned title.

John, who?

Most Sincerely, Steve Grunewald

By the way, should a woman happen to be reading
this, I love John Mayer's music as much as you do.

Leaving on a jet, er, uh.... I guess not

The weekend was not as expected, but this time the disaster of plans was not my own. Apparently the "political instability in the region" made it unwise for my brother to take his flight from Seattle on Sunday. Unfortunatly it took all of three days just to get the right people on the phone to find out what we could do about the already purchased plane ticket. It was a little stressful, especially with my mom calling every few hours 'just to make sure he's not going to get on that plane'. Uhg, sigh, "Ok Mom, I'm sure he won't" (my noncommital response).

So both of us returned to Montana today when it was supposed to be just me. Not that I minded the company, but I know how disappointed my brother is having his plans disintegrate last minute. It was hard trying to make the responsible decision based on the information he had, the people advising him, the purpose of the trip, the flexibility, or lackthereof in the situation. My gut feeling didn't really go either way, when I would ask God I just felt "let him get on the plane if that's his decision" and so I tried not to push him one way or the other. Thankfully he had the advice of our good friend who we stayed with who has a lot of travel experience in the past few years. I hate being the one always trying to tell him things, especially when it's news he doesn't want to hear.

We did have fun otherwise though. Saturday my brother, our friend Justin and I made the short drive up to Vancouver, BC. We walked around Gas Town, which is a cute part of downtown, ate Indian food, and then drove a little ways and went to the IMAX and saw Robots. We even experienced some genuine Canadian culture. We were looking for a place to get a drink before the movie because we had an hour to kill, so we crossed the street to check out the sports bar in the complex across the street. What we found was PeeWee Hockey. Each of us seemed to be drawn in, impressed by 9 and 10 year olds who could move on the ice as easy as they might walk down the street. For about ten minutes we watched and no one said anything about leaving. Then, after being impressed and entertained for a few minutes we recommenced our original search. Sitting up in the balcony with the Mom's cheering on their kids who couldn't hear them through the glass was a very classic experience. Yay for Canada!

Mornings on the farm start early, and Easter Sunday was no exception. We got up before chores and went to a small "sunrise service" that was held in a barn up the road because of the rain. It was simple and sweet.

Due to prolonged waiting for information about the ticket we stayed in Seattle Sunday night instead of driving to Pullman as I had planned. It was fun anyways though because I got to surprise one of my roomates from Denver with a call to invite myself over. That's that great thing about YWAMers, they're all over the place and they're always good for at least a couch and some breakfast. If there's one thing we all understand it's random travel plan changes and the value of a free place to stay. Catching up with a good friend is in no way second to that, it's just a beautiful observation I had to make.

That's enough of a post for now.

Another Spring Weekend In Washington

Here I go again. For the last two years I have made at least one significant weekend trip to Washington in the Spring. Due to the blaring failure (on certain levels) that has occured previously, I didn't intend to continue the habit. However, I find myself on March 25th again getting in a car Washington-bound. Though this time I have a much more, let's say casual, approach to things. Not that I had serious plans in the past, but things still seemed to turn out seriously wrong. It's 5:45am and I'm taking my brother to Seattle to catch a flight to Kyrgystan. Do you know where that is?

Kyrgystan is in Central Asia bordering China, Kazakstan, Uzbekastan and maybe one of the other 'stan countries. Over the last three or four days the people have successfully rioted and taken over the gov't buildings in the capitol forcing the now ex-president to resign and leave the country. Is this the definition of a coup? I'm not sure what it's called, but please PRAY FOR KYRGYSTAN and for MY BROTHER LUKE. He'll be working with a Bible school there and some other people for the next 4 weeks and we're all really looking forward to him coming home safely.

So on to road trippin', cow tippin' and fun.

Purchased.

Yay for buying plane tickets online! I'll be in Denver April 19th - 25th. Shhhh, it's a secret. :)

No More First Days For A While

Working with a temporary agency made me realize something. Everyone hates their first day of work. It's full of apologies, stupid questions, apologies for stupid questions, slow progress and a general awkwardness of being in a new place with people you don't know. The thing about a temporary agency is that EVERY day is your first day.

Thankfully I will no longer be making my awkward way through first days or around over eager coworkers. I started a new job yesterday working at the barn where my sister has worked for the last four years. I'll be cleaning stalls now. See this link for a laugh and a small mental picture. No really I don't mind it. Mucking stalls is hard work, but a good workout. It's great to be working only two miles from home too, I can ride my bike in the summer and save a lot with gas getting so expensive. Raise your hand if you didn't know that my car has 296,000 miles on it. Yeah, I thought so. It's crazy, but I love my car (named Max for future reference). So I'm a little sore, and I smell when I get off work, but I am blessed to have a job. Especially one that will allow me to take the vacation I'm planning next month.

I need to say "I'll think about it", that's perfectly noncommital

Song quote appropriate today:
"Seems to me that Maybe, pretty much always means no." - Jack Johnson

It's true.

So I guess I kindof got asked out by this guy at work today. For the last two days I've been bagging groceries at the supermarket in town and toward the end of the day the guy that I was sortof working beside (he was showing me what I was supposed to do I guess) is asking me about my schedule.....the conversation gets to...

He said: "Well, if you're busy next Friday, uh would like to get a bite to eat some other time?"
[My Inner voice: "uh, NO. But what do I say?"]
Actual response: (elongated) Uh, (weak) maybe??
["How do I fix this?] "Yeah, I could give you my number I guess. ["Julie, you're dumb. How to change this?"] You should come to that bible study I told you about. Yeah, if you want to hang out you should come to that...[Maybe that will put him off]."
He said: "Yeah, (he mumbles something about numbers...)

LATER - He says " Hey I'll come talk to you before I leave." (he's scheduled off at 6pm, I'm off at 6:30pm) I say "OK" (ehh, He touched my arm when he said that - Weirded out!)

The rest of the story - I needed to meet someone, so I asked the manager and got to leave at 5:55pm. I think I mumbled something of an apology to no one in particular as I walked out the door, but I honestly didn't think of looking for him in the back before I left.

Lesson in this story -when you're 20 years old and you've only been kindof asked out (now) twice in your life, putting someone off nicely without being unclear is not something I know how to do. Sorry grocery guy if I hurt your feelings.
I feel like I escaped, is that weird? And for the record, I know you're probably wondering, I didn't think he was attractive, but I also could not imagine trying to make conversation over a meal- at all - not even a little bit. Ok, story of my odd day at work.
The End.

Are You Wearing Green?

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Or is it? I find it strange anyways that so many people have NO clue whatsoever as to the purpose or origin of this holiday. To most it is a reason to pick a specific color in the morning for their shirt and put some color in their beer. Or if not to color it, at least to feel free (the holiday falling on a weekday more times than not) to drink more than usual and eat cornbeef and cabbage. Do you really think most people would EVER eat those foods without the tradition? Like most holidays the true meaning is almost completely forgotten and no longer part of our culture, so I guess I should just mourn a little and move on...

Ok, I'll be honest. After writing that paragraph I went on about some other things, and then I felt convicted that rather than criticizing and then joining the majority in their ignorance I should seek out the information like an intellectual person. So in the only true knowledge-seeking action I could take, I "google-d" St. Patty's Day and the above links are a few that I found. Now I can say that while the color green and corn beef mean nothing new to me I find a special fondness for this holiday I didn't have before. In it's religious roots March 17th was a day set aside for spritual refreshing and praying for missionarys (in honor of St. Patrick's pioneering missionary work in Ireland). How sweet is that? When I shared at bible study last Sunday I said that I "think God may have made a missionary out of me without me knowing it". It's true my heart just gets excited about getting the gosple out there. If you haven't prayed for a missionary lately, put on your best green shirt, have a beer and get to it!

for an example of what St. Patrick's Day is NOT, and for a laugh read this.

twisted fingers

I think some days if I twiddle my thumbs one more hour they will tangle and then I'll be in a real mess. I should write an email? No. That's already been decided. I do nothing, but I'm not good at it. I'm not good at waiting. I don't have much faith in the process, though that could have something to do with my impulsiveness cutting short any previous tries. It's not like I'm alone. It's a little better on days when I'm busy. So impatient, wondering about a lot of things. I guess this doesn't make sense.

No, it doesn't make sense, but this blog wouldn't be worth your time if I only wrote when I was excited or happy about something. I used to journal when my thoughts didn't make sense, I'd just write until I ran out of words and somehow that helped me feel better. So maybe that's what I'm reaching for today. Sometimes I'll just smile real big at nothing aparent, but I have memories that don't warrent explaining to anyone who wasn't there. I like talking about good times, but the realist in me knows that the past was, and the future might be one way or another, but I have to judge each day based on today.

Song lyrics going through my head today:

" I miss you my friends, more than words can say " - notmother?
"If dreams are like movies than memories are films about ghosts " - counting crows

By the way, I colored my hair and cut it (over 8 inches!)yesterday. It hasn't changed much in the last three years, so it's sorta fun!

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Outreach

Intimately

What is this trust?

What is this prayer I pray?
What is this righteousness?
What is this faith?

Tell me, Why can't I see you with my eyes?
Tell me, Why can't I feel you with my hand?

This is the one thing that I ask
That I may know you outside of myself

This is the one thing that I seek

That I may know you - Intimately

What is this call?

What is the message here?

What is this holiness?

What is this fear?

Tell me, How will they see you if not in my eyes?

Tell me, How will they feel you if not with my hands?

This is the one thing that I ask
That all may know you outside of themselves
This is the one thing that I seek
That all may know you - Intimately

Song written September 2004 in Denver, Colorado

Prayer, programs in schools and city squares, skits, testimonies, building projects and building relationships. This is a glimpse of what ministry looked like in Mexico for me and my team.

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Ninjas Never Cry

Even though the couch I slept on last night was really uncomfortable that still doesn't really explain my lack of sleep. After all I did get used to sleeping on the floor for 7 weeks in Mexico. Since Cancun I have found myself losing sleep to thoughts that just won't wait till morning. Maybe it's to make up for all the sleeping I did on the bus during the day down there. However, I was not tired at all at work today which was a blessing.

Yes, I have some work. It's not a permanent job but the lady who I work with at the staffing agency is a Christian and she's helped me out before, so for the next few weeks I'll be hopefully hearing from her a lot. And probably doing more random things like today's setting up for a Hunting/Outdoors Expo. That's where the title of Ninja comes in, it's what the staffing people call their employees who will take the random jobs (requiring lots of 'skills' usually ;) ) whenever they need someone. Apparently my brother has earned that title over the past few months working with them and between the two of us they are now self-proclaimed fans of the family. I am looking forward to having a paycheck again.

I'm not gonna lie though, after 2 months of riding on busses and doing dramas, and hehemm, eh, eating Mexican food I am not in at the level of phsyical fitness I'd like to be. Let's just say after hauling things around the convention center today I'm gonna be a sore girl in the morning. (oh did i forget the part about triping over a crate after being ther about ten minutes? a fall which resulted in one of the largest bruises I've ever had? yeah that might be sore too) I was the only girl on the crew (compounding clutzy embarassment? actually no.) so it was a little intimidating at first but after I fell on my butt in front of everyone I really had nothing left to prove. Actually I ended up sortof knowing ( we'd been introduced like 2 years ago by a friend) one of the other guys on the crew who was a Christian and I got to tell him all about YWAM. Which in my state of still missing everyone alot made my day to talk about. [Gallen, Rasmus - in Denver again, I hope you love your new home.]

So now I am at my new favorite place in Kalispell(City Brew) feeling tired, but that good tired from a day of real work, and making use of my headphones and free wireless internet. It's a habit I'm sure will only continue to develope. The coffee's not too bad either. Time to switch from water and go order myself some. Bless God for giving me the ability to do the work set before me. (And yes you can take that as both a specific and a general praise. :) )

Posts you can expect to see soon... Collage of ministry pictures, hmmm and maybe some 'new song' lyrics...

Being Unconventional

During this visit to the Palouse I realized just how much has happened in my life over the past three years. Absent was my usual hint of regret at leaving college to venture into the unconventional and unplanned. With my friends approaching graduation this semester I expected that familiar "college drop-out" sting to kick in, but instead I was able to look at where I'm headed and be very satisfied with the choices I've made. (Isn't that right there testimony of God's grace?) Minus the degree, I started much of the life my graduate friends will start in June three years ago. At least the part of life with no particular "what's next" besides your own choices and risks. Graduating high school at 16 gave me a sort of three year "Intro to Your 20's" course. I tried a few things, got over some things, learned ALOT of things. I figured out how to cry, how not to overanalyze love and how not to be afraid of sometimes getting more or less than you bargain for. I am learning how to let go of control.....Everything I thought I knew at 16 (which then was about everything) I have replaced with desire to GROW and a mature confession of my NEED for knowledge and experience and help. Three things I wasn't convinced I needed or wanted when I first got to college.
I have learned that it is ok to be afraid, to be silly, to be lost, to take the wrong exit on the freeway, and that folding my laundry might just be more organized than piles in each corner. It was extremly liberating to discover that my life is only mine to live and while I choose to give it to God the choice I make is to ACTUALLY LIVE by giving Him control.
The final essay for my Intro to Your 20's class would probably include these things on a list of what I expect for the next 10 years and what they expect of me: seeing the world, learning about things that interest me, learning about things that interest other people, doing some things because I have to, doing some thing just because I can, being free to make plans 3 months or 3 years at a time, finding education in many forms, developing friendships that will carry through the rest of my decades, developing my gifts and discovering how to use them in the grown up world (that I will someday join), seeing life in seasons, falling in love with Jesus more, learning to let Him take care of me, showing other people the way to freedom, spending time with my family on vacation, learning to watch the news, developing habits I want, starting a family of my own...
There is so much pressure to get our lives sorted out by 25. There are so many expectations people have of themselves, of how life should look once you're an adult. That's the thing about being an adult, there are pressures, but it's because we get to decided what our lives look like from here on out. "Whose rules are you going to play by?" I asked a friend of mine. As for life without semester breaks and finals week my experience tells me that it's not nearly as scary as you imagine, but it's every bit as hard as you might think. God has challenged me to do things I never thought I would, go places I never thought I be....but the surprise is that it is entirely possible to love every minute.
All this was just to say that I have grown a bit more comfortable in the skin I'm in over the last three years because I have realized that the only thing permanent is God and the only thing I can control is how I choose to deal with the situations and people that cross my path. That doesn't mean I have it figured out, not at all, I have in fact realized my complete defecit of knowledge. But the Lord is a gentle and faithful teacher. Possibly the course of life goes a little like this: 16-19 Intro to Your Twenties.....20-29 Intro to Life as Yourself. We'll see. This post went a lot longer and deeper than I intended, but if I intend to keep this up to date then some posts will inevitably be written late at night like this one and have a flare of misguided introspection or flop of tired thoughts trying to assimilate. Thanks for lasting this long if you made it to the end.

Catching Up

Traveling again. This weekend I stole my little sister for company and took to the road again, only one short week since my marathon drive back from Denver (17hrs). Gladly, this trip was much shorter and much more familiar to me. I went back to Moscow, ID, where (if you didn't know) I went to college (1 yr -'01-'02), for the wedding shower of my great friend Jessica. She asked me while I was in Mexico to be a bridesmaid for her in May and I was very excited then to say yes. But it wasn't until I was sitting in a room with 12 other girls who have been her friends since I left that I was a little overcome with just how special I felt to be made a part of this special season in her life. Thank-you Jessica for including me even when i've been so out of the loop the last three years. It is so cool to see someone I care about so much getting her dreams come true with a great man of God. I also had the priveledge of reconnecting with my friend Melissa (the maid of honor) who never ceases to amaze me with the passion and grace in which she lives her life. It will be incredible to spend time with both of these women throughout the wedding process. Friends I have much to learn from for sure.

Remember Tabasco! 

Cancun, Mexico Jan/Feb 2005

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Apologies

Yes, friends and otherwise, it has been a disgracfully long time since i have even attempted to update this blog. I am however reconnecting to the real world and I intend very much to make use of this page for keeping you all up to date. I have been, since my last post, wrapped up in finishing the leadership school I attended in Denver (PHASE 2) with YWAM . To my surprise God asked me to go on outreach about week 8 of the school ( i think my last post was week 7). Surprised because I was fairly certain my plans didn't include outreach and because week 6 was the deadline for signing up to go. Nevertheless I asked the leader of the Mexico team if I could sign on late and he was happy to have me aboard for which I am so blessed. Soo, all other plans were put aside and after a very unholiday like Christmas break spent watching movies with the other lonely souls around town over the holidays I left for Mexico with 30 other people on December 29th.
Quite a daunting adventure to head down to Mexico with a team of people I barely knew, but it made it all the more a testimony of God's grace. Only one person from my Phase II class was on the team and the other 24 student were from two DTSs (arvada campus and eagle rock mountain campus). How much of a priviledge was it to be with so many different personalities working together to see God's kingdom spread in southern Mexico? So much. There were a lot of people concerned about the success of our team being so big and mixing two groups with very different personalities, but I am not the only one who saw exceptional unity and humility in this team. To any of you guys reading this I never said it but I was so blessed to be a part of our team and God completly exceeded my expectations in each and every one of you. I miss you all for different reasons and God bless in you wherever you have gone on to next!
Four weeks of traveling from town to town in the states of Tabasco and Chaipas and also 1 week at each end of the trip spent ministering in Cancun I saw God do so much in the people and the churches we worked with and He was so faithful to bring new works in my heart as well, though I wont even start to say I'm a finished project. Over the last 5 months God has been showing me so many thought patterns about myself and about my relationship with Him and others that He wants to change and replace with His truth, and He has been so faithful to stay true to His word. I have thought for so long that if I want to improve or change or learn that I must DO things, but He is teaching me how to LET things be done instead of always trying to do them. Yes, trying to sum up all God has been teaching me in the last 5 months is sorta a ridiculous endevour, but there a little bit to start. I am mostly excited just to be able to say that I know what God is doing and working in me after a long "desert time" in my life in the months before going to Denver.
I plan to post a lot of picture in the next while so you all can get a piece of the adventure in Denver as well as Mexico. God blessed me with some of the most precious friendships this past year I can't even really put it into words, but these pictures are of people who are truly precious to me. Thanks to each of you who have been a part of my life whether you are a permanent fixture or a passing blessing....again, I miss you all.
As of right now I have moved back to Montana after a few weeks of confusions about my plans and the plan is to work here through the summer. Denver friends I hope to visit for a week next quarter so pray that will be possible. I hated leaving it's true, but I felt like this last season of being home was important, because I don't forsee living in Montana for an extended period of time after this summer. So yeah, late April, early May....hopefully some camping in the rockies.
This is all for now, enjoy this first outreach collage, but don't be decieved by the sand and sea, there is ALOT to outreach besides the two or three days when these pictures were taken. More on that to come.....