the wonderful, awful truth about me and you

love.
in love.
what does the even mean?

what sets apart love from in love? I feel like the more i understand about caring deeply for my friends the less weight i put into this idea of being 'in love'. Perhaps because it seems to single out truly great love as a singular, one-time-magical experience, which I am not inclined to believe in. I think, perhaps, that this idea of 'in love' categorizes those uniquely blessed individuals for whom great love is mutual and affected....but there are so many other deeply powerful, moving, significant, painful, and life changing loves to know in a lifetime. The other problem I have with this idea of being at one time in love is the presumption that you can then then perhaps at a later date be out of that same love; which begs the question of 'What is the substance of that type of "in then out" love?

If you can quit love....or rather quit loving someone....was it really love you had for the person in the first place? Maybe it was something else altogether.

We like how someone makes us feel, or how they make us think, or the things we do with them, or the things they do for us. Perhaps their character traits (honesty, ambition, humility, dedication) or their personality type (relaxed, funny, creative, spontaneous) are the things that we get really attached to in this process of falling in love? These attachments to the pieces which make up a given person formulate the inspiration necessary for things like commitment and sacrifice and other expressions of love....but like the traits or characteristics which can change as a life moves and grows....does this kind of love ultimately come and go?

If we realize these things we are so attached to are changeable, that these things we we were so passionately drawn "in" to are now "out" of the picture are we then "out" of the love we once ardently claimed to be "in"?

Is it a place, this "in love" that we can be also "out" of it....or is the status misnamed because we are perhaps "with love" and then "without it" as our needs and desires are either met or unmet in the course of a relationship or a lifetime?

What I am asking is how often do we truly love a person and not just their parts and peices? Of course it is a person's character and personality that are attractive and interactive in any relationship. If, however, a person is the object of true love and they, the whole person, are loved wouldn't this kind of love remain even as the landscape of the personality weathers and shifts? Even affection can change understandably and attraction is certainly a whimsical part of our souls but real, honest love is made up of more than these things and a person is always made up of much more than just the things about them that we like.

How rare it is to meet a naked soul? How beautiful and awful to see the landscape of the human condition laid bare in all its grace and imperfection? How intimidating to be faced with the realities of just how many of our weaknesses are the same and how much of our molding has yet to reach any point of usefulness? To truly see another human being as they are, the attractive parts and the mess all in the same glance, and to then give of yourself with the same honesty is, in my opinion, the stuff "in love" just might be made of. Although, I'm still not convinced it's aptly named. Perhaps "about love" or "having great love" or "true love" would work because it is complete and if possessed by someone I don't think it's a something that can ever be lost.

This isn't really where I thought I was going with these thoughts but it occurs to me now (again) and also perhaps for the first time how it is that God loves me. We experience love in this life as the very changeable, whimsical, in and then out again affections of the either lightly committed or the passionately obsessed and so our understanding which is based on our experiences with one another indicates that there is a constant fluctuation of the quantity of love made available in any relationship at a given time. This is because, like I said before, we tend to react and respond and make or withhold our gestures of love based on what parts of a person we see at the moment which either serve our needs and desires ... or don't. God, however, sees us at all times - completely. So, with all the knowledge and perspective necessary to make a lasting conclusion, his declaration of love for us does, in fact, have the potential to be completely reliable. This discussion of credibility need not even mention the dedication to proving his intentions for us God made through what Jesus did in his life.

Can we then love completely when we only know in part? I think yes. I think this is great love. This is the love that chooses to love and commit to an entire being, not just as the parts that are lovable. It's being brave enough to really look and really see someone and to give and sacrifice both because of and in spite of everything that person was, is or will become. Granted, I don't think any among us possess the grace or strength needed to love and live this way with even one other person for an entire lifetime, but I think it's exactly what God had in mind when He decided to make us like His son. His grace makes us able to look at one another and see through His eyes, which are filled with love big enough and strong enough for the complete (albeit messy) version of each of us, so that we can be the outpouring of that great love in each others' lives.

I could, perhaps, love you well and serve you and even sacrifice for you if I hold in the foreground of my image of you only that which I admire. I could give my best in exchange for yours and we could feel love and affirmation and even happiness together. Time, however, is much stronger than you or I and no one can foresee the events that can sweep in and change the makeup of a person who you know and love well.

What then? Fall out of love? Pick up the pieces and move on? Or could we choose to see from the very beginning the real, broken, messy, potential for greatness and failure that is another person and to love them with God, not just with God's blessing?

Love. In love. Great love. In and out of love ? How can these things be? You will always be you and I will always be me, regardless of what version of me I become I will never, in fact, be other than myself. And so, if you love me now, truly, for all that I am, was and will be ... can that be lost?