immaterial

Let's go back to yesterday perhaps, today is too mysterious for my heart to understand
My ignorance yesterday kept my heart beating steady, not nervous or racing or catching in my throat
Let's go back to yesterday when I had forgotten the throws of young emotion that cause my stomach to drop and my mind to cloud with day dreams and longing
These moments of chaos were distant memories, yesterday

Let's go back to yesterday, today is too lonely for my survivor's heart
My rhythm yesterday was uninterrupted, my eyes weren't stuck to the the door looking for the face to appear that would stop me holding my breath
Holding your breath is easier when you forget how sweet and free the air can be

"perhaps a little inspiration here"
that's all it took
the best surprise, the sweetest goodbye, the longest drive home happy in my life
curiosity battling exhaustion and a mind full of bottled emotions ready to burst like a bottle of champagne
don't twist me now
recap the cork
take me back to yesterday when I knew how to think

yesterday I was content in shades of grey, sharp in contrast but nothing so vibrant that it could move me
and now I'm here in this perpetual today where blue skies, green grasses, white sheets and red lips burst in bold revelation causing my steady soul to tremble
like blinking away the blurry eyes of morning the sense of change settles on me like a fragrant night breeze off the sea, growing hour by hour

take me back to yesterday when i had nothing so fragile to try and hold lightly
nothing so bright as to cause my eyes to look away
back to yesterday when i slept alone, unaware
when i walked ahead not noticing my solitary
take me back to yesterday
before you took me by surprise
before I had cause to wonder if you were merely ether
if only I could have caught our moments
like a ship in a bottle to wonder over, to try and understand

then again, perhaps I wouldn't mind today, if I knew how to find you here

.lost.

I know sad, lonely, discouraged and tired
I understand broken hearts, empty wallets and silent phones when you wish they were ringing
I've seen days with more questions than answers, more fears than comfort and more fuel than flame

But I'm not lost.

I know ashamed, disappointed and embarrassed
I understand dismissal, false hope and failed dreams that steal the breath from your lungs
I've seen days with fights instead of celebration, closed doors instead of welcome and days with more "I'm done here" than "we can do this"

But I'm not lost.

Don't ask to see my compass or  my map
I have no use for either, they can't help me here
What I need is to simply breath easy
To laugh a moment and feel the tension leave my face
To unclench my fists; to remember...

I have only a guess where I am right now
And where I'm going is a mystery as well
But I know I'm not lost as I wander

All the colors of my thoughts and emotions
Have not always painted me bright
but I know I'm not lost as I wander

Grace has given me something to hold onto
I found home, in my heart, wait you'll see

Burn the map, hide the keys, call me crazy
I'll have Jesus, my home, my peace