you know i wish that "i'm sorry" really did make things all better.
i'd like more than anything for that simple phrase to be all that was neccesary to make me feel less...less anything.
then again i am not a stranger to being numb, it's been my safety for years.
but i am no longer safe, and i feel, and "sorry" doesn't change that.
no matter what i'd like.

it helps a little bit i guess.
like a bandaid to stop the bleeding.
but the feeling is still there.
time is what helps, explainations sometimes bring relief but anything besides a quick fix, even for hearts, seems like overdramatizing life and it bothers me.
i bother myself when i feel too much.
i'm unaccustomed to the process.
i've never allowed it before and this situation is hardly an exception.
except that now i'm not only fighting the emotions of life, but also the battle against my own instinct to shut it all of and appear "just fine".

now for a response.
what?
i have none.
i'll heal.
i'll decide to be fine.
thanks for being sorry???
do i say i forgive you now?
is that what you wanted?