Songs Online

As part of my new resolve (slowly developing but there) to get myself and the music in my life organized and brought back to life I've started with setting up a new myspace account for musicians. They allow 4 songs hosted for free, though they're not available to download, so now people who've been asking me about the ever illusive "CD" can listen online for now. I'm hoping this will help inspire me to get more songs recorded and to do a better job this time than I did the last. After a very quickly assembled and less than best "demo" in the summer of 2004 I have become wary of trying to get such a thing pulled together again on my own, but I'll be putting some work into the process one way or another.
As part of the School of Worship in Los Angeles, which I am currently applying for, I'll be able to write and record a song for the school album. Real time in a professional studio and getting to see a song of mine go beyond my own personal musicianship will be a goal come to life. Getting to play with a band downt here also will be a huge learning experience, as my past collaborations were few and far between. I have so little experience playing with other musicians and actually developing a song I've written from chords and words to a real song that I'm sure I don't even know where to begin. However the opportunity is exactly what I've been hoping for. The application should be fully sent by the beginning of next week and then I should hear whether I'm accepted shortly after that.
Yeah, for the longest time I was convinced that SoW was just not the thing for me. It's both funny and ironic the way that God chooses to correct our attitudes, and just how well He does know our true needs and desires.

in between the lines

any words i try to use to describe how i think and feel when i think and feel you seem to roll off like water on a well-waxed windshield. i'm adding information in between the lines of old memories and i suppose if i was writing in ink there would be tear stains. it's the kind of disturbed and unfinished thoughts that keep my forheard wrinkled and my words unable to assimilate.

pity, no - you're too strong to need it. empathy, no - i didn't live you. sympathy, no - you don't need more sorrow. angry, maybe a little.
it's twisted and wrong and it hurts me just knowing how it hurt you. it stole a part of you i'd have liked to know then. back then. in my memories.

the official post-high school experience

Once again I heave a sigh of relief as another typical bought of living-in-montana unemployment comes to an end. Since I came back from California I've been able to keep the income at a less than negative status by working a few random shifts at the Raven and cleaning a house which tied me over between the decision to stay in Montana for the fall and finding a job. For the first two weeks I was home I wasn't sure if I'd be leaving again at the end of September for Denver so I wasn't even looking for work. Now, however, I know that I will be here at least until the first of the year and I'm happy to say that I started a job on Monday that should earn me enough money to go on 'the next step' when it arrives.

Monday was my first day of training at Appleebees. In explanation of the post title it seems like those who stay in Kalispell long enough without a career-type form of employement usually end up working at this restaurant at one time or another. Thus, I have joined the click. After three nights working as a hostess I feel like I'm getting the hang of how things work. Every restaurant is so different, and after working at the Raven with it's small crew, high volume and generally laid-back-type organization I have to get used to the ultra organized 20+ person crew environment. Even so I'm already getting to know some of my co-workers which makes it feel more normal to be there.

On the note of co-workers though, there is a small point of discomfort I am attempting to address. Did anyone read my post from back in the spring where I oh so slyly put off my fellow bag-person in his pursuit of taking me out to dinner? Well to make an awkward story short there's a guy at work now, the 4' tall 28yr old dishwasher, who's been trying to ask me out since my first night at work. Always asking "what do you do for fun?" and "what're you doing after work tonight?" I told him that I was reading a book, which I was, that I had to finish. The next night he asks if I'm done with it. "Yup, I got another one." I reply. I don't want to be rude but uh no I don't really feel like going out for a drink with this total stranger who looks at me all the time.

Anyways, it's the only thing I haven't liked about the job so far. I try not to think about it, but for whatever reason I'm just creeped out. I'm thinking about going to Wal-Mart before work today and replacing my silver left-hand ring with some cheap cubic zirconium or plastic diamond engagement-type thing. Maybe it'll just stop all the oddness to look otherwise 'engaged'. I might just wear it all the time at work, it should ward off more harassing than my normal 'tough girl' aura.

from my journal last week

i feel like i've been living like a ping-pong ball. back and forth, hit and drop, scoring a point here and there. maybe i've been treating my life like a fishing rod. casting here and there, coming back with this plan or that plan for my life. all this searching and i think the answer came to me laying on the edge of awake.