It will probably always surprise me when I discover yet again just how much I am like my Dad. Somehow without knowing it I have grown up to hold many of the same virtues, strengths, quirks, vices and habits that my father has. Consequently it has taken a few years of practice for us to be able to discuss things in which we feel differently, since in so many things what we feel, we feel quite strongly. This is a development of patience and communication is for which I am truly grateful. I know I have a lot still to learn from him. I also hope that in turn I can relate what I have learned of God and life to him, so we can understand each other. I have a great friendship with my Mom, and it's really nice when I get chances to get to know my Dad better. Like tonight.
I thought I was going to be home alone but instead my Dad came home. We spent over an hour talking. He has raised me well to be responsible, to work hard and to stand up for myself. Unfortunately the independance that I can be so proud of in some ways can in others make my walk with God much more challenging. How to respond to a man with almost 50 years of hard work and experience, who has earned and earned dearly the livlihood of my family even with his health in disarray, how to respond? How to communicate? To discuss this journey I am beginning which is to depend on God for ALL things and not myself. I don't yet grasp the feeling or the faith of such living, only the truth that it IS God's desire for me. And so I continue to learn my own convictions as I express them to others. "You must know that you know that you know God's voice, and in that walk in obedience. When you're in God's will, then He can bless you and supply your every need..." I say it, I believe it....but I don't yet know it. I am praying for that time....when I can know that I know. When I'm the sheep "who knows the shepherd's voice".
I have much yet to learn from my Father and from my Dad. From my Dad I learn to perservere, from my Father these days I'm trying to learn how to pray. Isn't it so amazing that he took the time to teach.... "this is how we ought to pray" my Friend told me...
Oh my God in heaven, your name is Holy, it tells of greatness and righteousness...Holy is your name! Lord that your kingdom would come here on earth, that your authority and presense and your will would be here on Earth on the same magnitude that it is in heaven. Forgive me today because I have sinned, just like I did yesterday. Grow in my the strength and give me the grace to forgive those who hurt and offend me. Feed me Lord with your word each day, and send me also the things I need to stay strong and healthy physically. Lead me away from the temptations and distractions of this life and be my deliverer when I am not strong enough to make the right decision. Yours, oh God, is the kingdom that rules my life! Yours, my Lord, is the power that overcame sin and death and the Enemy completely! To you Father all my attention and devotion is due...from all the world you deserve worship and praise. Forever and forever. Amen
Prayer, He's teaching me, takes practice. And though practice and homework were never things to which one would describe me as diligent, I am however convinced much more thouroughly of it's importance in this case.
I have given up on make some conclusive point here at the end, but i'll go with this. I love my Dad, all the more as I get to know him (and no, not because I find we're alike and thereby am loving myself you cynics!). He is a good man and I am soo grateful for him. I love my Father, because I am getting to know him as well. A venture I am sure even eternity will not exhaust. Why do I complain about being bored with such an opportunity? Because I'm human and immature and I like to be entertained. it's a process...
to end here....note to self: if you want to get to bed by 11:30pm, don't start a project and a blog entry at 12:15am. duh.
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