needing wisdom

do you ever leave your house for somewhere and know before you make it to the door it would have been better to have stayed? i'm not sure if it's a matter of better or worse for me, just that i wouldn't have been faced with the gross facts when at this point i'd have rather been sleeping. yes, an interesting and frustrating evening out with the sisters. what can i do besides aknowledge that i can do nothing. Jesus help me I can't fix or change a thing. ugh i was almost overwhelmed with the pure shallowness surrounding me while i waited at the Garden bar for my ride home. standing alone wanting very much for someone to talk to, yet completely unattracted to the idea of shouting small talk with a stranger or aquaintance who very likely had no clue what was going on in the first place. fun is all in the company which was most entirely lacking tonight. i am here longing, moreso even than usual, for the company of those friends i do have who really know me, for their conversation, their wisdom in my frustration, and even just their company.