I realize...things, about myself, when I spend enough time in the in-between-things silence that comes in seasons like this one.

There is no real flow to my life these days, other than the fact that faithfully it is tomorrow every time I wake up, and then it becomes today. And today I get up and go to work, at least for the first several hours.

My feeling of displacement is likely attibuted, at least somewhat, to the increasingly fewer hours of daylight, and my exhaustingly regular habit of waking up and starting my day when those hours have yet to arrive.

Can't people wait till nine a.m. for coffee? I suppose not really.

It's an imbalance, like a string of non-moments attaching themselves to the justification of dollars per hour as I wait for the living part of my life to resume.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind working. In fact, I like my jobs. Both of them. All three of them (starting tomorow). It's just that the very nature of transition is to feel neither "here nor there", and that is an odd place to be. It leaves me doing niether "this nor that" and feeling oddly neutral. Like I'm in neutral, coasting downhill until I can engage the gears and start my climb into the mountains. This does though bring me to discovering things, about myself mostly.

When given to contemplation I usually go a little stir crazy and try to occupy myself, divert myself, entertain myself....and generally I'm busy enough not to have to try too hard.

However, lately it's been different. I feel alone even when I'm with people, like at work, and it lends to taking the time to actually think and feel what I'm thinking and feeling, instead of being busy enough to "process that eventually" and give my attention to taking care of whomever I might be with.