Don't you realize that you're still just as much in my heart as you were when I said goodbye? There are just certain corridors I don't walk down as often. It doesn't feel as lonely if I don't walk past doors to people I love/d and see them shut. I try not to pass your way. Lately it seems like every little thing has taken me back to your door. You're still there, shut inside with all the things I loved and admired and despised and didn't understand about you; you're still there. In that place in my heart that formed when I met you, for you... It's that you-shaped place inside I don't know what to do with.

Sometimes you whisper into my life again and I go reeling back to a time and place when I understood, at least for a moment what my life was, who I was - when your whisper wasn't far away. There are dreams and realities that started with you which haven't finished...so how can you be gone? I'm never sure that you are. Still not sure. I just know you're always there, behind a door in my heart that I didn't close, but it's......far.

And this is not one door, or just one you, or just one dream. I wish I knew who I was talking about speficially. All the yous who have etched themselves into my heart with or without my permission. All the doors closed or screened to my past, ambigiously present, unpredictably part of my future. But you're still here, and I still have love for you...