tippers make better lovers.

what is it that makes a person so easy to like, and even love, but so impossible to fall in love with?
what exactly do we put in our list of standards for attractive people that so often excludes the ones who love us most and best?
you know who i'm talking about. the "buddy". the one we call to talk about the one we love, the one who hears our woes, the "buddy" the "best friend".
he's the guy you tell all your friends they should hook up with, and she's the girl who you're sure will make someone a fabulous wife someday. why aren't we with that person? what's missing?

"you're not the kind of person someone dates, you're the kind of person someone marrys..."

I don't want to be a best friend and not a lover, and I don't want a lover who isn't my best friend. If he comes along will I fail to see past my "buddy"? When I love him will I ever mean more to him than a good friend?

What is it about a person that makes us need them? love them? need to love them? What key difference gives us the inspiration to spend a lifetime with someone in particular beyond our own compulsion not to live alone? What is it if not the one that is our best friend, the one to whom we hold no secrets from?

i could love you so good.
i said i'd always be there,

and even when i thought i'd changed my mind,

even left you behind,

i found myself still waiting,

still waiting for you to let me love you.
i could love you so good

life wouldn't be so cold with you beside me.
i would take care of you

and you would hold me

i still love you so good

even if you don't know
even when i don't care

i still love you so good

I like 'em how I like my....

A few years back I had a friend who said she could describe her ideal man like a good cup of coffee. It proceeded to sounds like a nice description to the effect of tall dark and handsome. I wondered if I could do the same, but never really could come up with something.
With the change in the weather and my affection for free wireless internet, I find myself drinking a lot more coffee. I’ve discovered that, while I do try something new from time to time, my favorite consistently goes something like this.

Tall Double Shot White Chocolate Latte with 2% and Whip Cream on top.
Strong, sweet and hot.

Now tell me that doesn’t sound like an attractive man.I’ll just leave it at that for now.

Don't you realize that you're still just as much in my heart as you were when I said goodbye? There are just certain corridors I don't walk down as often. It doesn't feel as lonely if I don't walk past doors to people I love/d and see them shut. I try not to pass your way. Lately it seems like every little thing has taken me back to your door. You're still there, shut inside with all the things I loved and admired and despised and didn't understand about you; you're still there. In that place in my heart that formed when I met you, for you... It's that you-shaped place inside I don't know what to do with.

Sometimes you whisper into my life again and I go reeling back to a time and place when I understood, at least for a moment what my life was, who I was - when your whisper wasn't far away. There are dreams and realities that started with you which haven't finished...so how can you be gone? I'm never sure that you are. Still not sure. I just know you're always there, behind a door in my heart that I didn't close, but it's......far.

And this is not one door, or just one you, or just one dream. I wish I knew who I was talking about speficially. All the yous who have etched themselves into my heart with or without my permission. All the doors closed or screened to my past, ambigiously present, unpredictably part of my future. But you're still here, and I still have love for you...