Being Unconventional

During this visit to the Palouse I realized just how much has happened in my life over the past three years. Absent was my usual hint of regret at leaving college to venture into the unconventional and unplanned. With my friends approaching graduation this semester I expected that familiar "college drop-out" sting to kick in, but instead I was able to look at where I'm headed and be very satisfied with the choices I've made. (Isn't that right there testimony of God's grace?) Minus the degree, I started much of the life my graduate friends will start in June three years ago. At least the part of life with no particular "what's next" besides your own choices and risks. Graduating high school at 16 gave me a sort of three year "Intro to Your 20's" course. I tried a few things, got over some things, learned ALOT of things. I figured out how to cry, how not to overanalyze love and how not to be afraid of sometimes getting more or less than you bargain for. I am learning how to let go of control.....Everything I thought I knew at 16 (which then was about everything) I have replaced with desire to GROW and a mature confession of my NEED for knowledge and experience and help. Three things I wasn't convinced I needed or wanted when I first got to college.
I have learned that it is ok to be afraid, to be silly, to be lost, to take the wrong exit on the freeway, and that folding my laundry might just be more organized than piles in each corner. It was extremly liberating to discover that my life is only mine to live and while I choose to give it to God the choice I make is to ACTUALLY LIVE by giving Him control.
The final essay for my Intro to Your 20's class would probably include these things on a list of what I expect for the next 10 years and what they expect of me: seeing the world, learning about things that interest me, learning about things that interest other people, doing some things because I have to, doing some thing just because I can, being free to make plans 3 months or 3 years at a time, finding education in many forms, developing friendships that will carry through the rest of my decades, developing my gifts and discovering how to use them in the grown up world (that I will someday join), seeing life in seasons, falling in love with Jesus more, learning to let Him take care of me, showing other people the way to freedom, spending time with my family on vacation, learning to watch the news, developing habits I want, starting a family of my own...
There is so much pressure to get our lives sorted out by 25. There are so many expectations people have of themselves, of how life should look once you're an adult. That's the thing about being an adult, there are pressures, but it's because we get to decided what our lives look like from here on out. "Whose rules are you going to play by?" I asked a friend of mine. As for life without semester breaks and finals week my experience tells me that it's not nearly as scary as you imagine, but it's every bit as hard as you might think. God has challenged me to do things I never thought I would, go places I never thought I be....but the surprise is that it is entirely possible to love every minute.
All this was just to say that I have grown a bit more comfortable in the skin I'm in over the last three years because I have realized that the only thing permanent is God and the only thing I can control is how I choose to deal with the situations and people that cross my path. That doesn't mean I have it figured out, not at all, I have in fact realized my complete defecit of knowledge. But the Lord is a gentle and faithful teacher. Possibly the course of life goes a little like this: 16-19 Intro to Your Twenties.....20-29 Intro to Life as Yourself. We'll see. This post went a lot longer and deeper than I intended, but if I intend to keep this up to date then some posts will inevitably be written late at night like this one and have a flare of misguided introspection or flop of tired thoughts trying to assimilate. Thanks for lasting this long if you made it to the end.